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Know Yourself

It’s so easy to get lost in other people.

Relationships, be they platonic or that other thing, can completely swamp your personality.
We are all taught that we will need to bend a little, compromise and accept the other person for who they were when we met them and who they become when they’re with us.

But where do we draw the line? Are the unspoken roles we assume at the onset, written in stone? Are some people just incompatible or do we, as a society, lack the patience to work at things and see them through to a natural conclusion?

Any relationship should surely enrich both parties. Give and take. Yin and yang. Balance. Each bringing something to the table that enables emotional stability and equilibrium. Peace and love, dude.

Yet we can gravitate to what we think we want without realising what we need. A past relationship will colour how we move forward. We seem incapable of unlearning bad habits, leaning heavily on, ‘take me as I am’ without thinking, ‘am I as good as I can be?’

Some partnerships appear literally doomed. (Star-crossed?)
Fuelled by love, lust or common ground – sadly, sometimes, children – until that one day you wake, as if from a funny dream, feeling nothing, asserting your right to happiness and chalking it down to experience as you pack your bags…

So let’s start with love. The hardest thing to tell someone genuinely, but once you’ve broken the ice, it becomes the easiest thing to say. Usually as a way of proving that we didn’t mean whatever faux pas we’re discovered to have made.
… And sometimes, because we are just so grateful to have certain people in our lives.
Love is a great motivator.
My personal feeling on love is that it’s a fluffy, beautiful, aimless emotion that has no place in a relationship unless it comes hand in hand with honesty and respect and positivity.

Love, on it’s own, is rarely enough. And is hardly unconditional, much as we might like to think it is.
(I might make an exception for the love a parent feels for its child…)

Lust? Chemical attraction, physical attraction? Wanes slightly when you realise that s/he can’t respect the toilet seat rule or habitually washes the dishes badly.
Does it decline exponentially over time? Must we jump through amazing hoops and perform great juggling acts to keep the fire burning? Can it be relegated to one person, when found in tandem with love? Shouldn’t it be effortless anyway, within reason?

And so we struggle against that most cruel mistress – time – fighting micro battles, declaring unspoken winners, assuming roles that become set in stone; the ugly side of our nature exposed in situations less and less controlled until we are raw nerves, naked and staring at ourselves in a mirror, blaming another for a monster that we do not recognise.

Know yourself.

Chantal ✗

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Hidden Rainbows

Evokes such a lovely sentiment – made me smile.

wordsoflincoln steele

word rainbow

Hidden Rainbows

Sweet prose
hidden inside
her pretty frame

the words
in her heart
a flowing spring

could form
a mist
of pretty rainbows

too shy
is she
her words to speak

so inside,
them,
she continues to keep

whispers
that could
fragment light
into wonderful colors
and arcs of delight

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(Unnamed 3) (May 2008)

Tiptoeing on shadows, am I
Fleeting contact that flees from the light
Yet its born of the light
And a child of the night
Beast of both, burden I loathe

Soldiering on feelings, am I
Unbidden gems that rely on sight
Yet they don’t use my sight
Can’t be suppressed by might
Child of rage, my minds a cage

Chantal ✗

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Truth (April 2008)

What is truth?
Does it have a place anymore?
Based on our memories, maybe
Fluid as our heart driven core

Is it justice?
No, that’s a political game
Based on the evidence, maybe
Changeable as the blame

Can it feel?
Know how to find its way back home?
Based on morality, maybe
In the truth we are alone

Chantal ✗

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Metaphorically Speaking (March 2008)

Oblique in reference
They have no name
Matters of the obscura
Part fauna, part flora
Never something tame

Chasms of experience
They feel no shame
Sensing all and absorbing
Cataloguing, resourcing
Remaining the same

What I refer to is thought
Wonderful, unchained, unbound
Limitless, all around
Bringing life to what we’ve sought
Like breathing into our lungs
Unbidden and involuntary
Until, if we’re ordinary
We smother them with leaden tongues

Chantal ✗

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(Unnamed 2) (March 2008)

Green flies past
Like a mask for the world
Told in flashback
Green is vast

Sunlight streams
Reminescent of life
Fleeting freezeframes
Sunlight dreams

And I sit here
Contemplating mankind
Dwelling on the evil, the good
The suffering, the joy
But wanting nothing more
Then to belong to the people of the sky

Chantal ✗

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Dysfunction (March 2008)

Troubled eyes, troubled lives
Slowly severing my sanity
I close my eyes, troubled eyes
Can’t let it wash over me
I clench a fist, squeeze ever tight
Won’t let go, ’till you bathe me in light
Troubled eyes, troubled lives
Let me replace the night

“It’s dark!” I cry, the tears they fall
Can’t see a thing, anything at all
Troubled eyes, troubled lives
Darkened, blinded by the fright

Salty and hot, they run their course
Voice can’t keep up, erratic and hoarse
Troubled eyes, troubled lives…
Troubled eyes, troubled lives

Chantal ✗